


of alcohols and late night drinks

by taylorstwice



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: Angst, Chaeryeong is a bit alcoholic, F/F, Pain, Ryujin is pining over the lost of chance, Sad, Sad Ending, Yeji is a masochist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:48:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29335563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylorstwice/pseuds/taylorstwice
Summary: reoccurring events swirl inside yeji's life. the same thing happening every day, words meant to be said in mornings muttered at nights. i love yous floating in the cold breeze of evenings instead of warm lights of daytime.
Relationships: Hwang Yeji/Lee Chaeryeong, Lee Chaeryeong/Shin Ryujin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	of alcohols and late night drinks

Everything seems to be in place tonight, fooling everyone into thinking that the world is pure and perfect, the unmistakable truth hiding behind the curtain of facade as the darkness and pain happen in the back, away from everyone's eyes to see.

Alertness and an open mind are things people need to have nowadays.

Now if the evening would be put into a word, the word would be simple. It's a simple Friday night, the time nearing past 11, the city about to die down and slumber, the lights coming off one at a time as everything and everyone begins to settle down.

Just like last night.

And the night before that.

It's a record of repeats.

It’s all the same thing for people, a never-ending cycle of waking up, eating, going to work, going home, eating and sleeping. No one gets out of this cycle, no matter what you do.

And one of these people, is Yeji.

_"Oh, what a cruel world we live in."_

Sitting at the counter in the middle of her kitchen, back facing her sink as she sips her pomegranate juice, Yeji waits for her phone to ring.

Just like last night.

A bitter smile grows on her face.

 **"Just exactly the same like yesterday night."** The words leave her as she raises the glass and takes a sip.

Any minute now.

As the big hand clock struck twelve, Yeji's phone rings.

She lets it ring two times before she answers.

Just like last night.

 **"Hello?"** She closes her eyes when she hears how ready her voice was, how it was so obvious that she'd been waiting for the call to happen, for her phone to ring. She scolds herself.

She hated how it seemed like it was usual.

It shouldn't be.

Because if it was, then it means that she's getting used to it.

She can't. She can't get used to it.

Because that would change everything in front of her and she can't have that.

 **"Yeji?"** The same voice she hears when it turns 12 every night echoes in her ears and it never ceases to bring her peace. **"It's Ryujin."**

Because the call means that she's there.

And it brings her relief to at least know that she's alright.

 **"Oh, hi."** Yeji breathes through her nose, the feeling of dejavu flowing through her veins again. She rubs her thumb on the glass she's still holding with her other hand, feelings starting to rumble in the pit of her stomach, just like every night that passed her for 3 years. **"She's in there again, isn't she?"**

 **"Yeah, she's here."** The confirmation never stops giving Yeji the relief she always tries to find when the clock struck 8 and Chaeryeong hasn't come home yet.

But nonetheless, she sighs, with reasons that is far from the relief that she had gotten after Ryujin confirmed that her girlfriend was with her.

Yeji...noticed her tone.

Yeji wanted to tell her to change her tone, that she shouldn't sound like that at all, like...like she's only doing this - telling Yeji about Chaeryeong - like it's something she had realized that she would always do, but she can't. She can't order someone around like that, it wouldn't be....her.

But again, Yeji doesn't actually know who she is anymore these past few years.

She's lost in a lot of ways.

Besides, Yeji...isn't that close with the bar owner.

Ryujin and Yeji, they're friends, but not that close.

Chaeryeong had always been the bridge between their sides. If it weren't for Chaeryeong, Yeji would have never met Ryujin.

Another thing to be thankful for.

 **"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes."** Yeji stands up and brings the empty cup to the sink. She leans her back on the sink and stares at the wall opposite from her. **"Sorry for the bother, Ryu."**

She hears the barista release a throaty chuckle from the line. She hears the swish of air and she assumes that the barista's putting her phone to her other hand. **"It's nothing, Yeji. She's my best friend."** Ryujin stares at her already drunk best friend, a small smile growing on her face. **“I’ll do anything for her."**

Yeji nods at this and is about to move from her place when she suddenly stops.

**"But."**

Stiffness enters the area and Yeji keeps the phone pressed against her ear, her eyes staring right at her and her girlfriend's picture, framed and hung on the wall, the blinking circular clock above it.

 **"As your friend too,"** Ryujin prolonged her words as if she did, it would ingrain itself in Yeji's mind. She knows a bit about what's happening between her best friend and her best friend's girlfriend, and she thinks that the older of the two, doesn't deserve to go through whatever it is that Chaeryeong's been putting her through. **"I think it would be best if you leave her."**

Everything, is so easy to say.

Yeji feels appreciated that someone as kind as Ryujin cares enough about her.

But as much as Ryujin's holding a truth in her hand, this isn't something that she could recklessly go.

Chaeryeong, is something she can't easily let go.

 **"Bye Ryu."** Yeji ends the call and keeps the phone in her hand, and for a while, Yeji just stares at her dead phone.

She wonders if that would be the future of her relationship soon. 

The bar was getting less crowded if the people pouring out of the door was to go by, when Yeji had arrived. For a moment, she thought she saw her Auntie Miyoung in the arms of someone that definitely didn't look like her Aunt's best friend, her Aunt Sooyoung.

She turns a blind eye away.

She lets it go.

That's another topic to push on another day. Probably when she gets to meet her Auntie.

The smell of beer and wine combined wafts through Yeji's nose when she pushes the door open and lets herself in, and immediately her eyes lands on a brunette slouched over the counter, her head resting on her arm as her hand holds an empty shot glass.

A smile makes its way on her face.

Just like last night.

The barista finally notices the presence of her best friend's girlfriend, and she sends her a smile when Yeji's eyes meet hers.

 **"Chae."** The drunk brunette feels something on her shoulder. She's shaking. Is there an earthquake? **"Honey, wake up."**

She tries to push her heavy eyelids up and when she gets to do it, she sees the angel that saved her life from damnation. **"Yeji?"**

 **"Yeah, it's me."** Yeji takes a seat on the stool beside her girlfriend, leaning close to get more of the younger's attention. **"We're going home."**

Without questions asked, Chaeryeong moves and turns from her stool and clings herself on Yeji's neck, the older girl's hand naturally wrapping itself around the younger's waist as if it's something she's done a lot of times.

The same warm feeling of having Chaeryeong in her arms blooms in Yeji's stomach, and she hates how she knew it would turn ice cold in the morning.

The irony never ceases to surprise her, no matter how much she had gone through it.

Yeji turns towards Ryujin. **"Again, thanks for looking out for her, Ryu."**

Ryujin shakes her head, leaning over to ruffle Chaeryeong's already messy hair. **"No problem."**

Yeji hears Ryujin calling her when she's about to open the door. **"Yeji?"**

Ryujin gives her a meaningful glance before speaking. **"Think about what I said."**

Ryujin watches as the two disappears right before her eyes, and her face twitches as she finally let her heart ache as much as it wanted.

 **"I wonder what would be the future,"** Ryujin chuckles bitterly as she wipes the glasses Chaeryeong had used, a tear falling and being one with the rag as Ryujin sniffs. **"if I was the one in Yeji's place."**

_"Would I be in the same place as her?"_

**"Honey, are you okay?"** Yeji helps Chaeryeong walk towards her car, the brunette too drunk to even get her hands on the car handle. **"Do you need to vomit before going in the car?"**

 **"You know my stomach can handle anything, babe."** Chaeryeong stops Yeji from opening the car door, turning the older girl's face towards her and when their eyes met, she gives Yeji that smile that made Yeji fall in love with her.

**"I love you Yeji."**

A bitter smile made its way on Yeji's face.

She thanks whoever it is that is up there for making Chaeryeong drunk to the point that she can't notice the visible change in Yeji's face. Chaeryeong had always been observant with people's facial expressions and can tell what they're feeling through their looks and actions.

But right now, she can't.

 **"I'm sooooo lucky that I get to have you, unnie."** Chaeryeong pulls Yeji towards her after the girl had secured her on her place at the passenger seat, moving her hand from Yeji's arm to her cheek and she kisses her.

Tequila.

Rum.

She doesn't even change her choice of drink.

Still the same. Just like last night.

 **"Chaer, why did you drink this time?"** Yeji tries to ask Chaeryeong after she pulls back from Chaeryeong's kiss, a bit red from the act and with the way Chaeryeong's looking at her now.

Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before the day before that, everything enters deaf ears.

**"I love you sooooo much unnie."**

Yeji releases a sigh and enters the driver's seat, putting her seat belt on as Chaeryeong starts talking about her day.

The older of the two silently drives as she wonders why Chaeryeong can't share this to her without getting drunk.

She also wonders if she'll ever know the reason why.

She wonders if this is all they'll ever be.

 **"I almost tried to fight that darn Choi Jisoo earlier in the office, you know? She was talking about you, how you're so pretty and so kind and so...so..."** Chaeryeong pouts and the look brings out the first genuine smile from Yeji even though she's starting to feel that familiar ache growing in her chest. **"so perfect! She said earlier that she'd date you if you were single."**

Chaeryeong scoffs on her seat, trying to keep her faltering eyes open. **"As if you're going to be one."**

Yeji finds herself recalling Ryujin's words.

_"Think about what I said."_

Yeji fears to ask the question she has in her mind, but the thought of being stuck in this kind of situation scared her even more.

So with nothing but radio music between them, Yeji asks her question.

**"What if I want to be, Chaer?"**

**"Hmmm?"** Chaeryeong raises her head from leaning it on the car window, eyebrows up as she looks at Yeji. **"Want to be what?"**

**"S-Single."**

Chaeryeong giggles on her seat and throws her head back, a loud sigh escaping her lips as her left hand pats for Yeji's hand on the gear lever. Once she had found her prize, Chaeryeong slips her hand under Yeji's, putting her fingers between Yeji's, her thumb grazing the back of Yeji's hand. **"Why would you want that? You're with me!"**

Yeji hates how she can crumble in just a touch.

Yeji hates how much power Chaeryeong has on her.

 **"Yeah, I am."** Yeji pulls over, they're already back home. **"But Chae, you don't tell me...things."**

Chaeryeong stays quiet for a while before she decides to look over towards Yeji.

**"I love you."**

Yeji hates how that same hurt that she saw yesterday night flashes across Chaeryeong's face and she hates it more that it's because of her words.

Words that came from the place of her pain.

**"Isn't that enough?"**

Yeji should start to accept that it's useless.

It's useless to ask her for answers in the night because she's too drunk, and it's useless to chase her in the morning because she won't remember anything.

It's an infinite merry-go-round of pain and sweet words supposed to be said in mornings but muttered at nights.

How many times had Yeji tried to ask for a reason?

Too many to count, she can't even remember anymore.

 **"I love you more than anything in this world."** Can your heart feel pain and soar from happiness at the same time?

It probably can.

Yeji's feeling it right now.

**"Do I need more words to make you believe that?"**

This is where Yeji starts to give up.

Where she rests her case.

Where she starts thinking that maybe, she should just let it go.

Know that she's never really going to get the answer for the reason of this predicament.

 **"No, Honey."** Yeji presses a kiss on Chaeryeong's forehead as the girl sinks in the bed. **"I do know that you love me."**

Chaeryeong yawns and stretches, and she whispers in the cold night air.

**"I love you Hwang Yeji."**

**"I know. Good night, Chaeryeong."**

Yeji knows this would happen tomorrow night, and she'll be pulling herself all night to get herself ready.

It's a never-ending cycle of this painful moment, but Yeji can never bring herself to get away.

No matter how much it hurts, Yeji would always stay.

A sigh escapes her lips as she turns to look outside the window, the remaining lights in the city still flickering like the hope in Yeji's heart every time she hears the soft breathing coming from the girl she's loved her whole life.

_"Maybe she'll love me tomorrow morning."_

It's a wishful thinking, but it's better than nothing.


End file.
